


Under Rain

by Mera_kii



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a happy ending kind of, Gen, Mentions of female oc, depression and all that jazz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-04 08:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14589468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mera_kii/pseuds/Mera_kii
Summary: He knows that they both have things they hoped they could've done better. Under the constant shower of summer rain, They have a little bit of a talk.





	Under Rain

He felt like hell had just punched him in the gut and threw his body off a cliff.

Shane wasn't sure if he was awake at all. His body ached everywhere at once and the pounding at his head wasn't doing him any favors. The white walls and sound of rain pouring outside were the only things that he was aware of at the moment. There was a little bit of mud stuck behind his ear, but he didn't have half a mind to care. He shifted under the blankets and noticed the tube coming out of his hand.

 _'Oh fan-fucking-tastic'_ he thought to himself and forced himself to sit up.

His body protested at the sudden movement, but he grunted his way to a more comfortable position. He was in the clinic (the beds in here were always comfier than he was used to). He wasn't sure how he got there or why he was there in the first place, but he's pretty sure some part of the reason was alcohol. He let his eyes adjust to the much too bright light of the room and looked around. 

There was a window looking out into the side of Pierre's shop. The clouds outside were dark and they didn't look like they were going to go away any time soon. There were a lonely plant, a chair and a desk with a glass cabinet affixed to the wall behind it. The green dividers of the room weren't much for privacy, but a small clinic at the far-off valley doesn't exactly have much to work with.

In other words, he didn't find anything to distract him from trying to remember what stunt he pulled this time.

"Get some rest. You've been here all night" Shane catches a muffled conversation behind the dividers

"I-I know, it's just-" 

"I promise, he'll be fine. I'll watch over him"

Both of them sounded tired and concerned. After a heavy sigh and a soft "Alright", he heard the door creak open and saw a shadow walk out of sight.

 _'Ah shit...'_ He swore in his head once more. Everything started to come crashing down on him. The forest, the drinks, the farmer...

The talk.

He probably looked filthy under the rain, face first into the mud. What was he thinking, heading down there with two cases of beer and the last of his dignity? It wasn't the first time he looked down at the waves slowly tumbling into shore underneath the cliff, desperate for a way out.  Thoughts would run through his head, voices telling him it would be so easy to just take one step. Just one small step and it would all be over. The sound of rain and the haze of intoxication almost wasn't enough to drown the thoughts out.

Then that annoying farmer woman shows up and changes things.

What happened exactly wasn't clear in his mind, but he remembered a lot of empty cans and clothes soaked from the constant rainfall. He probably spat an insult at her and told her to leave like he always did. He remembered her sitting down in front of him with pity written all over her face like she was looking at a pathetic cat going through a dumpster. He recalled himself slurring and barely being able to explain what he was doing, shitfaced by the edge of a cliff. He talked and stumbled over his sob story and all she did was sit there and listen. She didn't move. Hell, she didn't even twitch.

He asked her a question and she didn't answer it, not immediately. They basked in a wordless moment for a while, and for a second Shane thought that she all but got up and left. They were quiet until the feeling of raindrops on their skin was too much to bear.

_"The decision is yours... Just know that I'm here for you"_

Shane wasn't sure if that was exactly what she said, but it struck something in him. He didn't know what it was but somehow, that statement convinced him that maybe what he was doing wasn't exactly the best idea. Somehow, a single sentence made him think twice about his choices. 

But that doesn't change things, doesn't it? It's not going to magically make his problems go away. The world was cruel and it wasn't going to suddenly brighten up and make him feel better about himself. He was a coward, that's what he was.

The sound of footsteps jostled him from his thoughts. A disheveled Harvey walked in and looked up from the blue clipboard he kept specifically for Shane. He always thought the doctor was a weird one, never thought he'd see someone with color-coded clipboards.

"Shane" His dark-ringed eyes widening slightly "You're awake"

"Barely..." He croaked out. His voice was apparently in as bad a shape as the rest of him "How long was I out?"

"Twenty-nine hours. Miss Underwood brought you in here the other day" The doctor answered as he sat down on the chair next to his bed "How are you feeling?"

"The opposite of okay"

"T-that's... I don't think that's okay?" His eyes shifted to the side and eyebrows scrunched together in a very Harvey-esque manner

"That uh..." He cleared his throat before continuing in an attempt to make his voice sound less like a scratched record "That Miss Underwood you mentioned... Are you talking 'bout the farmer?"

"Um... Yeah, Kiara, that- the uh, farmer. She found you at the forest- I mean... She was taking a walk in the forest and she found you by the cliff" Harvey stuttered and set the clipboard down on the small table next to his bed "She said you had a lot to say about uh..."

"Kiara, huh?" Shane looked up at the ceiling, ignoring the doctor's open sentence "From what I know, she never gave her name up, easily"

Harvey's face flushed and he chuckled nervously "She never did, didn't she?"

It was true. Once during her first few weeks in the town, he overheard Emily trying to pry the name out of her. Shane wasn't exactly up to date with the town gossip. Last he heard, the only one who knew what the farmer's full name was, was Lewis. Apparently, the doctor did too and it was odd to know that he did.

Or maybe Shane just isn't up to date with the town gossip.

They sat there for a while, the only sound being the subtle patter of rain on the roof and Harvey writing something down on the clipboard. Thunder crackled somewhere in the distance and it seemed to make Harvey jump in his seat a bit more than it should. The air of the room was tense like there was something that needed to be said.

There really wasn't. Shane was tired, his head was throbbing and the tube pumping things into his hand didn't exactly do much for comfort. He didn't have the energy to talk about what happened. He wasn't even sure if the doctor knew about any of it, but he was sure that it was none of his concern and that he should just-

"Shane... We need to talk"

Ah, there it was. The classic opening line to another unhelpful conversation. It took a bit of effort for Shane not to be visibly irritated at his suggestion, but he couldn't help his free hand balling into a fist under the sheets. He didn't need a doctor to remind him of everything he's doing wrong, especially not Harvey. It's hard enough to watch him stammer through every conversation. He didn't want to hear what his attempt to make him feel better was. 

"Shane-"

"What is there left to say?" He didn't mean to make it sound as bitter as it did, but it came out anyway "That my life's more valuable than I think it is? That I'm missing the point of being 'alive'? I've heard every piece of generic advice you could give, Doc. Marnie, Emily, Gus, They've all tried. They've all said the same damn thing, said that I have so much to live for but never actually telling me what it was... It's 'cause there's nothing doc, and if there is, then maybe I'm too blind to see it"

Harvey didn't reply right away, the rain filling the quiet moments in between. All he did was get up from his chair and replace the bag of whatever it was that was being pumped into his blood. Shane hoped that he'd just drop it, hoped that maybe his little outburst would scare him enough to just leave him alone and let him rest. 

Apparently, The doctor had other plans. Instead of giving up he decides to walk over to the glass cabinet and start pulling things out of it. Shane rolled his eyes and kept his gaze at a small weirdly placed stain on the ceiling. He'd never guess that the doctor was stubborn. The sound of thunder reached their ears once more and Harvey wasn't as surprised at it this time. He pulled out an envelope from the cabinet and started to rummage through it.

"L-look... Shane, I'm no psychiatrist, but maybe..."  The doctor had apparently found what he was looking for and held a piece of paper in his hands "Maybe they're right about there being something you should live for, and maybe you're right about not being able to see it"

Shane's gaze averted from the stain to Harvey. He saw how he looked at the paper as if he was remembering something, like whatever it was was some kind of memory of the past. It seems there was no escaping 'the need to talk'.

"I... I've spent most of my life asking myself if I was on the right path... I wondered if maybe, if I could've done a few things differently back then, maybe things would turn out different. Turn out... better. Sometimes I look at myself and..." His eyes look up slightly at his reflection on the cabinet "A-and I'm reminded of things- of people who've told me that nobody needs me, I'm never going to be a... a somebody"

It was strange. Listening to Harvey reminisce about the past. It wasn't exactly something that Shane pictured him doing. In truth, no one really knew much about the doctor. Sure, there were whispers going on around about him, but it was nothing but speculation. No one really took the time to ask him personally. Shane should've been a bit more uncomfortable hearing all this, but something about the small hint of pain that he could hear in the doctor's voice was familiar to him. He took a sharp breath and adjusted his glasses before continuing.

Harvey turned to look at the window, the rain still drizzling. Shane wasn't sure what he was looking at, exactly "I used to want to be up there, you know?

"At Pierre's?" Shane questioned. The window didn't exactly look out into a view.

Harvey laughed softly at that "No, no... Up there, in the clouds, in an airplane wearing one of those cool uniforms... It was a dream of mine for a long time, it still is. Looking down at the world without the fear of falling, without the worry of something going wrong, there was nothing else like it. Then again... I-it really wasn't anything more than a far-fetched dream."

"Instead, I'm back here, in the town I grew up in" Shane noticed the doctor's hand twitch as he gripped the paper he held. The doctor looked down on it and back at Shane "And I- I guess... Somewhere along the way, I realized that maybe it doesn't matter if I'm a somebody. What matters is that I have a purpose... and if that purpose is keeping this remote little town in the middle of nowhere healthy, then I'll damn well make sure I'll do it better than anyone else ever could"

"Why?" Shane asked, his voice still hoarse "I've seen the awards, doc, the certificates. You could've gotten somewhere better if you wanted, anywhere better than here... why?"

Harvey has often been the topic of gossip when he moved back into town after leaving for a long, long time. Lewis, who was a bit more of a blabbermouth than he cared to admit, told Marnie of the doctor's ever so long list of achievements in Zuzu. Shane wasn't successful or brilliant like he was. He didn't have what he had. He didn't have opportunity.

Harvey thought for a while and walked back to his place on the chair. He looked back up at Shane and smiled 

"Because I found where I needed to be... and I- I guess that's here" He handed over the paper and Shane took it "Shane... I don't know where you need to be, but I really do hope it's not six feet underground. Those people that you said have been trying to help you... those are people who care about you enough to try and... convince you that they do, and if there's at least one person who thinks you deserve to stay with them... then isn't that a reason enough?"

The paper was actually a polaroid photo. It was old and slightly yellowed with the quote _'Harvey's first flight'_ under the picture. There was a woman in a bomber jacket and goggles crouching to kiss a young boy that looked like Harvey on the cheek, and behind them was an old and pristine airplane. They both looked... happy. Their smiles were drowning out the horrible weather outside and the sterile walls of the clinic. They looked... like they wouldn't trade that small moment for the world.

Shane looked at the picture until he swore the intensity of his stare was boring a hole in the paper. The kid reminded him of Jas. He didn't know why but it did. He remembered every argument with Marnie that she's been there for, every tiny question that Shane didn't answer, every shy request to play with him that he didn't accept. It felt like someone had just torn his heart from his chest. He was blind. He was way too fucking short-sighted to realize that he did have a purpose. That girl has been through enough loss. He was supposed to be there for her when she needed him most, but he wasted away in the damn saloon drinking away his despair and self-hatred.

He didn't need what Harvey had. He needed to be what he already was, and he was the uncle of a brilliant little girl. He didn't need 'opportunity' to be that.

"Yoba, I am stupid" Slowly he put down the photo and clenched his fist one more "I'm a selfish stupid coward, doc"

He leaned back and shut his eyes. His unkempt nails were digging into his palm, so deeply that he swore he was bleeding. His hands trembled at how angry he was at the realization of how much he's been missing out on. Marnie, Emily, Gus, Jas, They were all he needed. As long as they were alive, then he had a reason to be as well. Harvey looked down at his hand and noticed the red that slowly dripped down onto the blanket.

"Don't say that, Shane" He placed a hand on his shoulder. A gesture that would usually be aggressively shrugged off, but now, it was comforting to have someone who actually gave a shit by his side "The more you do, the more you're going to believe it"

"Sometimes the truth isn't that hard to believe in, doc" His eyes blinked open but refused to look Harvey in the face "...and sometimes that's what makes it more painful"

Shane wasn't used to admitting to being a miserable piece of human. The fact that he was admitting it to Harvey was even weirder. The two of them, surprisingly, had a lot more in common than he thought. Crushed dreams, bad memories and all that. Still, confessing his insecurities to people he barely talked to has been a recurring theme recently. It made him feel vulnerable.

But... maybe sometimes, it was okay to be.

The sound of thunder crackling reached them once more. Harvey got up to grab a few bandages and something to clean up the wound from the glass cabinet and sat back down beside him. Shane hesitated to open his palm for a second, but eventually gave in and allowed the doctor to do his job.

_His purpose_

"Well... I know a thing or two about being a coward" He said as he slowly cleaned the small bit of blood on his wound "Maybe it's about time that we both be brave about something, huh..."

Shane didn't speak while the doctor wrapped the bandage around his hand "I know that things probably don't look very bright for you right now, but there's always hope for a better future"

"You've got to believe in that"

The doctor finished his work and leaned back in his chair. Shane didn't know what to do with all that. The way Harvey talked as if he knew what he was going through would've offended him if he didn't see the honesty he found in his eyes. The buried unpleasant memories were recognizable.

"Hey, Doc..."

"Yes, Shane?"

"How are you so sure that this is going to change anything"

Harvey sighed "I'm not..."

"I-I'm pretty sure that whatever I'm going to say to you isn't- it's... It might be useless. I know it's not up to me to decide if this chat would ever change your outlook" He looked away from him and played with his hands "Besides, I-I know I'm not the best at this whole 'advice' thing. Just thought that it's- you're... worth a try... Then again, I'm no therapist"

 _'With everything you just said, you might as well should be'_ Shane thought

He stared at the odd stain on the ceiling again. Both of them not really being able to muster up the courage to look each other in the eye after their little exchange "Maybe... I should see one"

"A  therapist?" There was a bit of surprise in the doctor's voice "I- yeah, definitely! This-Th-That's... That's a great place to start! I know a guy in Zuzu who always has time for people who need it. I mean, if you're, you know... interested?"

Harvey looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to confirm if this really was what he thinks he wanted. For a second, Shane hesitated. He wasn't sure what would happen, and Zuzu? It all seemed a bit far away. But, Maybe he was right... Maybe it's about time that he'd be brave.

"Okay" was all he needed to say

The doctor smiled and picked his clipboard up from the side table. It was back to business after that. A bunch of doctor's orders that Shane decides he might actually try to remember this time. Recommendations for healthier diets, bed rest and not going to the Saloon anytime soon. The rain was pouring a lot more softly as the doctor went on about a blood test. The sound of its drizzle was calming. It almost looked like things would actually turn out better for him this time around.

Then again, it's all easier said than done.

Still, it wouldn't hurt to try.

"If all goes well, you'll be out of here by tomorrow morning. I can call Marnie to check on you if you'd like?"

Shit... Right, he didn't exactly tell Marnie where he was going the other day. Harvey must have already told her. She was probably the one talking to Harvey a while ago anyway "Wasn't she already here?"

"Hm? Oh no, that was Ki- uh... Miss Underwood"

That was... surprising to say the least. He didn't expect the farmer to be willing to go through the trouble of visiting the guy she found drinking in the forest. Now that she thinks about it, the girl scout always seems to find the time to disturb him. Usually, the only reason he keeps her around is because of the free pizza or salmonberries. Even then she only ever shared if he was willing to chat. He honestly didn't know what the woman wanted to get out of the constant pestering. Maybe, she really was just little miss generous.

"Marnie did visit yesterday, though" Harvey continued "Just thought you two might like to uh... talk"

"Yeah... I think she'd appreciate that

"Alright, I'll contact that friend of mine and I'll tell you if he gets back to me. I-If you still want me to, I mean" He asked and Shane nodded to that as well. Can you believe that? He was actually agreeing to do something. He wasn't sure what to make of all the sudden changes, but he decides that it's better now than never

"Doctor Harvey!" A voice called "Anyone home?"

"Be out there in a second, Maru!" The doctor called back and got up from his chair "I'll leave you be for now, Shane. There's a call button if you need something"

"Alright" He answered plainly as the doctor turned to leave. His voice, a lot better now after a drink of water.

"Oh- uh... By the way" He stopped in his tracks "Miss Underwood... She uhm... She really cares about you"

"Honestly, I can't imagine why" He replied and for the first time since he woke up, he managed to smile at the thought of the weird farmer feeling sorry enough for him to carry him into the clinic.

Harvey gave a soft smile back, and for a split second, it looked like there was a hint of sadness hidden behind it "She really does, Shane... More than you think. I-I uh, I think she'd like to hear from you when you're finally up and out of here"

He thought for a moment... He always heard people talk about how 'wonderful' the farmer was. How she brought everyone gifts and greeted people with a smile. Hell, if he didn't know any better, he'd think she was hitting on Marnie with all the lunches and fairy roses she's brought into the house. (The fairy roses were probably for Jas anyway. The kid loved that stuff). He's always thought that people exaggerated her goody-two-shoes schtick, but now, he can kind of see what they're talking about. She was stubborn, never left him alone when she wanted to have a chat with him, even when he not-so-politely asks her to leave him alone, and maybe that's what makes her an okay person. Not willing to give up on something, if she had her heart set out for it.

Of course, he doesn't say any of that out loud.

"I'll pay her a visit" was what he said, but the doctor looked at him like he knew exactly what he was thinking about.

Harvey nodded and gave him another kind smile "Get some rest" He said before disappearing behind the dividers.

He was tired. The ache in his body had mellowed since he woke up, but it was still ever present and annoying the crap out of him. It took him a while to adjust to the sudden quiet of the room. The stain on the ceiling looked a lot less interesting when it wasn't being used to avoid eye-contact. He shifted on the bed once more and his bandaged hand felt the Polaroid that Harvey forgot. 

He picked it up and took another look. It was weird, seeing the six-foot tall doctor as a kid. Shane never thought he'd actually get the chance to see what he looked like when he was younger, and yet here he was staring at it. He turned the photo to look at the back and he just notices a note written in flowery handwriting. The familiar patter of raindrops on the roof was still there, but it wasn't as invasive as it's always been. The calming sound drowned out all hopes of keeping his eyes open.

_The future holds more than you could guess. Don't give up hope!_

_-Mom_

Shane slept with the photo in his hand. It'll stop raining soon.

**Author's Note:**

> It's constantly more than 30 degrees Celsius out here and I just really miss the rain. Anyway, thanks for reading.


End file.
